


Dear You

by mikunicchi



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Books, Fluff, M/M, Romance, slight angst, writers au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 14:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14571282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikunicchi/pseuds/mikunicchi
Summary: They say books can change one's life when the time and opportunity given. And Jun believed that with all his might because he was a living example of this.~~“Dear you,” was the very first line that Jun read. That line, which is written by the mysterious writer 13, changed Jun's life. Never once in his life, he believed those words were fake and he was determined to prove it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reveetoile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reveetoile/gifts).



> Written for reveetoile, in Jun Exchange 2018

“Dear you,” The book that changed Jun’s life started with these two simple words. Which were actually weird but somehow affected him for longer than he actually wanted to. It was the first time for Jun that a book stuck in his mind and made him a fan of the mysterious writer 13. It changed him in a way that no one expected from Jun since he was aiming to enroll a university where he can study maths when 13’s first book had been published. With the sudden change of his mind, he started studying literature and in the end he ended up as an editor in the very same publishing company with 13-sensei. However life wasn’t something that went as smoothly as you expected and Jun was very bitter about it when he become the editor-in-charge of Mashiro-sensei who was a quite unreasonable and very irresponsible person. Oh and not to forget that she was very very self-centered.

That’s why he was thinking that his evening couldn’t turn out worse than it already was when he saw his boss. The Iron Lady of the editing department came towards him with a furious expression on her face.

"Mashiro-sensei doesn't want to work with you anymore Matsumoto-kun," said his boss with a firm look on her face. Jun didn’t react fast to this information because he already knew this would happen. Mashiro-sensei, -not a sensei in his opinion- was being absurd, a fact which he had told her. He knew it would cost him to his job eventually. But still, he didn’t think it was his fault or anything.

"Why?" He asked as if he didn't know what had lead to this. His boss clicked her tongue. _Iron Lady,_ he thought. She was in her late thirties with short hair, always wearing proper suits with proper makeup and a proper hairdo. Every single thing about her was proper. She was the only woman in a higher position and everyone called her Iron Lady because of that. She was tough and had made her way up quite successfully.

"You said something rude to her, didn't you?" Iron Lady narrowed her eyes as she crossed her arms. "You are not being useful, Matsumoto! We don't need your useless opinion about the book! Your work is not giving your opinion to the writer but support her!"

"My intention was supporting Mashiro-sensei, Sasaki-san, but she is the one who can't stand even one simple opinion," Jun said not being able to hold himself.

Iron Lady's eyes twitched with anger. "Go home now, Matsumoto," she hissed under her breath. "Before I fire you from the editors’ department. Just get out of my sight."

Jun didn't say anything as he bowed and left there hurriedly. It was already half past six in the evening. So even if he left the office, no one would say anything to him at all. He sighed heavily as he rubbed his eyes while he was waiting for the elevator. He was so tired and he needed a proper night’s rest so much. It was frustrating. He hadn't been Mashiro-sensei's editor for a long time and he actually hated that young girl who was acting like _hey-my-novels-are-so-amazing-and-I-am-too-perfect-for-your-opinion._ He hated her with all his might. She was only writing second, no, third-rated novels, and they were only popular because it was trendy at the moment and they would not even stay long on the shelves. And what was worst, she was not even thinking about improving her writing. He was mad, not because he was no longer her editor but because the superiors were only favoring Mashiro-sensei.

Jun had no idea at all about what he was actually doing. He loved literature with all his might. He loved books way too much and that was why he had chosen to be an editor. Maybe being a writer would have been easier but he still liked his editing job. However, lately, he felt drained about everything including his love for his job, his will to live, and so much more.

He rubbed the back of his neck, frustrated. He was definitely tired. The elevator doors opened with a _bing_ voice, bringing him back to the reality again.

The elevator doors revealed Aiba Masaki who happened to be his close friend. “Jun-kun! Going home?” he asked when he saw him with a bright smile on his face. Jun tried to smile a little as he got into the elevator.

“Yeah,” Jun answered dryly.

“You don’t look so good,” Aiba said with a concerned voice as he looked at Jun closely. His friend didn’t seem very well lately. He had deep dark circles under his eyes and his normally strong features seemed devastated with tiredness. He liked Jun. Definitely not as a lover but the guy was serious about his work, so he kind of admired the other. Aiba knew Jun from the first day of his internship since Aiba was working in Human Resources. Jun was passionate about books and gave his best at being an editor. He was charming, handsome and serious in many ways and he also knew how to have a nice time with co-workers. They usually went out drinking together, sometimes with other co-workers joining them. So, seeing Jun devastated like this was really worrying Aiba.

“I am fine,” Jun said curtly.

“Something happened?”

“Just lack of sleep,” Jun tried to cut his investigation while wishing for the elevator to go faster.

“Just lack of sleep wouldn’t cause this state to the Matsumoto Jun I know,” Aiba pestered. “Come on Jun, I have seen your lack of sleep state too many times to believe this.”

Jun heaved a sigh. His head started to ache. “Can’t you just leave me alone?” He didn't care if he sounded like begging anymore.

Aiba wanted to say no, however, he heard the undertone in Jun's voice and didn't persist anymore. “Okay,” he said, then added hurriedly. “But you know whenever you need company I'm there, right ?”

Jun didn’t say anything but he couldn’t help his lips turning into a weak smile. “I know, thanks, Aiba-kun!” He said while trying his best to smile, and to his relief, the elevator reached its destination saving him from a further discussion. “See you later, Aiba-kun.” He said hurriedly before fleeing from his company.

On his way home, every step Jun took felt heavier than usual. _Maybe I should just quit this job,_ he thought and heaved a sigh. He took the subway, which seemed weirdly more crowded than usual. “Oh,” he said involuntarily. It wasn’t unusual that the subway was crowded at this time, but it was unusual for him to take the train at that hour. He had been staying overtime at work rather than leaving early. However, he had never once thought that it was inconvenient, because he had simply loved his work back then.

Jun had a passion for books which actually started with the very first book of 13. They say books are all about timing. If you managed to find the perfect book in perfect timing, it could change your life in a way that you could never imagine. In his case, that perfect book was 13-sensei’s first book which made Jun fall in love literature. He had read every kind of book until now, after his miraculous encounter with 13-sensei’s first book: _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm._ He had also made some attempts to write himself however he had never wanted to publish them. On the contrary, he was the one who refused to publish his book and he became an editor instead. Because his love for books was something sacred in his head and he wanted to work in the progress of creating them. It was way more fulfilling than being a writer. In a sense, he could be called stubborn but he never cared about it.

However, sadly, he had some serious doubts about this job choice of his now. _Maybe I should go to the countryside and grow some strawberries,_ he thought defeated as he walked into a convenience store. He bought a six-pack of beer and some food. Once he went out of the convenience store, it was already near half past seven and it was rather dark outside.

He lived in a 2LDK house in a quiet apartment, in a quiet neighborhood. Jun preferred living in a quiet place since it was the best for reading. That’s why the apartment which Jun lived in was quite far from the street and he never really saw his neighbors too. And there had been no incident in the two years he lived in that street. A simple neighborhood with quiet people living in it; nothing could be better than this. That night, he wanted to take a break from his miserable life while taking his favorite book to read.

“Dear you,” Jun smiled softly as he started to read it again for what felt like the hundredth time. The book was the first one written by 13, which Jun found weird for an author’s name. However, Jun couldn’t bring himself to mock him when his writing was this good, this touching. He was a good, loyal reader of 13, and also 13 was the one who made him choose the publishing company that he was currently working at. Jun had never even seen 13’s face in the two years that he was working there but he heard his name quite often; which was simply because he was the biggest author in that company. But neither being the bestselling author nor being a mysterious person was what impressed Jun. He simply loved 13’s words. Which was strange but Jun always thought he could feel the writer’s pain and loneliness through his writing. Especially in that first book… It was weird but also quite amazing.

He had a tired but peaceful smile on his face when he finally fell asleep with the book in his hands.

***

The next day was full of new discoveries for Jun. Though he was made to sit under the sharp gaze of Sasaki-san he managed to observe the editing department. Since when he started working with Mashiro-sensei, Jun had to comply with all her stupid wishes like going to eat sweets even though her deadline was getting closer. Jun hated to be scolded in her place every time when they had to extend her deadline. So after all those times, Jun didn’t even feel bad now about leaving Mashiro-sensei. Well, he was actually kind of fired but who cared about that fact.

Strangely there was a restless atmosphere around the editing department. Some of the older employees were running around in panic and even Sasaki-san seemed more aware of the door and phones. He wanted to know what was going on but it probably wasn’t the wisest idea to ask Sasaki-san since he had been marked red yesterday. He sighed and tried to focus on the editing job in front of him.

He was in the middle of the text when he was called by Sasaki-san to the meeting room suddenly. Much to his surprise, even the president was in the room. “We will be quick,” the president had a frown on his face as he spoke. “I believe you know about 13-sensei. We would like to assign you as his editor-in-charge from today.”

Jun’s eyes widened as he tried to digest the news. _13-sensei! I can work with him? After all this time?_ However, he couldn’t let his feelings show since he didn’t want to seem like a crazy fan. So he asked with a calm attitude: “13-sensei? The one who sold over a million books? Why me?”

The president heaved a sigh. “Because Sasaki-san was the one who recommended you. But be aware that I will not show any mercy if you displease 13-sensei. Sasaki-san will explain everything to you then.” The president left the room as Jun bowed. Sasaki-san also bowed to the president before she closed the door behind him.

“Let’s sit, Matsumoto-kun,” she said showing him to sit opposite of her. “I won’t lie to you, we are actually having some troubles with 13-sensei,” Sasaki-san said with a sigh.

“Troubles?” Jun frowned.

“He refuses to talk to us and he already fired five different editors. His previous editor was Kuranosuke-san, and you know he is good at his work. So I want you to be prepared,” Sasaki-san said seriously.

“Then why me, Sasaki-san?” Jun asked not averting his eyes from the Iron Lady’s gaze.

“Because you are a problematic editor and I felt like you can compete with his brattiness,” said the Iron Lady as she leaned back. “But believe me, he is way more troublesome than you, so be prepared.”

Jun couldn’t say anything back as he thought: _Oh God._

 

***

Jun looked at the address once again to see if he was standing in front of the right building. Jun was surprised. The apartment which he was looking at was in the middle of the city, in a noisy area. He didn’t really know what to expect but certainly, he wasn’t expecting this. Was it even possible to write something in such chaos? Because that neighborhood could mean nothing but chaos. He sighed. He had no right to judge 13-sensei, or anyone else. So he shrugged as he stuffed the paper into his pocket and went inside the building. According to the security officer who was on the first floor, 13-sensei was living on the fourth floor and hadn't gotten out of his house yet. Finding door number 406 on the fourth floor was easy. He rang the bell and waited for 13-sensei to open the door. However, nothing happened. He rang the door for a second time and then a third time. He was getting impatient as he rang for the fourth, then fifth time. For some reason, he didn’t even bother to move his finger from the bell.

However, nothing could be heard from the other side of the door. Which was pretty annoying because that night Jun had to return to his home empty-handed. He sighed as he left the building and crossed the street just to find a small cafe which was nearly empty. Jun went inside the cafe, ordered an espresso leaving his name for the coffee and went to sit in front of the window. He took out _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm._ Jun stroked the worn out, gold and black mixed cover with a humble smile on his face. 13's first book was quite unknown to the public because it didn’t really sell well. It was a compilation of short stories, partly unconnected. The protagonist was an immortal young man who was working as a watchmaker in a kingdom called Golden Realm, always watching the flow of Time. The first story of the book was a letter from an unknown person which caused the book to start with the words “Dear you,”.

13-sensei started his career with writing this kind of fantasy books, which had certain calmness but also thrill in it with deep psychological descriptions of the characters. However, after his third book, he changed his style. He started to write real-life stories without deep psychological content. That's when he became a legend while he completely stopped writing anything close to _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm._ However, 13-sensei never lowered his quality, as he gained himself a big name with his always beautiful word choices. He was a big writer who deserved attention even without deep psychological descriptions or delicate reasonings which stole Jun’s heart in _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm._

“You have such an old book with you,” he suddenly heard from next to him. Jun looked at the source of the voice just to find a waiter who was holding his coffee.

“Oh, do you know this book?” Jun asked calmly.

“Yes,” the waiter replied with a smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting to see it here though. It wasn’t a popular book, you know.”

Jun blinked with surprise. “Such a shame, isn’t it?” Jun laid the book gently down on the table. “It's such an absorbing story, and I personally think this is the masterpiece of 13-sensei.”

The waiter raised his eyebrows with surprise. “Most people find it rather boring,” the waiter said.

Jun frowned. “That’s why it’s such a shame,” Jun said sternly.

The waiter laughed out loud because of his serious expression. “You are very interesting, Matsumoto-san,” he said between his laughter.

“Same goes for you too, Ninomiya-san,” said Jun as he read the nametag of the waiter.

“Call me if you need anything,” said Ninomiya before he left for the counter. Jun looked at the small man who had a brightening aura, and a smile on his lips.

***

After a whole two weeks of going to 13-sensei’s house just to return empty-handed, Jun was honestly in deep trouble. He didn't even drop by at the company as he went directly to 13-sensei’s house every day including the weekends. According to the security officer, 13-sensei hadn’t left his house even once. He never answered the door whenever Jun rang until some people got angry at him and chased him away. There was no response and that was driving Jun crazy. He found himself in the same café many times because he was feeling very tired. He sat at the same table as on the first day and spent his time there until the café was closed. It was like his private reserved seat since he was there literally every day.

Between the events of going and returning from 13’s house empty-handed and being stressed by his company, his only support was the waiter, Ninomiya. They eventually became friends and they even got close to the point were they gave each other nicknames. Nino was an easy to talk to person, who had a certain air that made Jun trust him easily. Also, they both had the same taste in books which was a very pleasant experience for Jun. That was the reason why Jun didn’t really keep his job a secret from Nino, who also told him about himself. He was the same age as Jun and attending a college for his master's degree. Before Jun could even realize it, he started to have feelings for the petite guy. Despite his sarcastic behavior, Nino had a soft heart which made Jun feel warm deep inside without Jun’s knowledge.

“So J, still no improvement?” Nino asked when he finally made his way to his table tiredly.

Jun heaved a sigh. “Nope, he is not answering the door. I am not even sure if he still lives there...” he said.

Nino laughed. “You are unexpectedly stubborn, you know that?”

Jun shrugged. “Maybe, but I need to meet 13-sensei no matter what,” Jun said determinedly. “What should I do, Nino?” He asked with hopeful eyes focused on Nino’s face.

“Hmmm…” Nino said. “Do you like this 13-sensei’s works?” He asked suddenly completely ignoring Jun’s question. “I mean, honestly.” He had a very serious look in his eyes which made Jun stop from answering immediately.

He earnestly thought about it for a moment. “I do,” he said after a while. “But I liked his early works better,” he added.

Nino raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”

“Certainly,” Jun started to explain. “He is one of the most bestselling authors and his work is always interesting. But… how can I explain it… his works are still interesting but they lost their first shine.” He sighed again. “I have a weird feeling this is why 13-sensei refuses to meet the editors.” Then he smiled suddenly as he looked at Nino. “Did I ever tell you that 13-sensei’s first book was the reason why I wanted to become an editor?” He shuffled his bag and took out _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm,_ laying it on the table. “I somehow wanted to be a part of the world which 13-sensei created, because creating a book is the hardest thing that I have ever witnessed,” he looked very nostalgic as he talked about his passion while looking at the worn out book.

Nino seemed flabbergasted. But he recovered quickly before Jun could notice. “You are good at your job, you know that?” He said with a gentle smile on his face.

Jun laughed. “Where does that come from?”

Nino laughed. “Never mind,” he waved a hand in his direction as he went back to the counter. “Oh, by the way, I am gonna take a dayoff,” Nino said suddenly.

Jun frowned. “Something happened?”

“Why? You worried about me, J?” Nino smirked playfully. Jun tried to protest but Nino cut him off. “Just need some time to finish my other papers for the college,” Nino explained. “You know I only work here part-time.” And he disappeared behind the counter before Jun could say anything.

“Be careful! See you later, Nino,” Jun called behind him but Nino never came back again.

***

That was the last time he saw Nino in the café and that was also the last time he ever heard from Nino.

“What do you mean Nino quit?” Jun asked the manager, Sakurai Sho. Jun was honestly worried about him. He wasn’t in the café, he wasn’t answering his phone… There was simply no way to contact him. It had already been a week.

“Well, as you can see I have his resignation letter,” Sakurai Sho showed Jun the letter.

“But he said he would just take a day off…” Jun protested. Sho seemed surprised.

“I don’t really know what he told you but he handed me his resignation letter a week ago,” Sho explained calmly.

“Did he tell you the reason for doing that?” Jun asked.

“No, he didn’t,” Sho said calmly. _So you know the reason,_ Jun thought.

“Do you know where he is now?” Jun asked again not averting his gaze from Sho’s eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t really ask every part-time employee where they live or why they are leaving, you see,” Sho said calmly again.

_You also know where he is but you won’t tell me,_ Jun thought. He heaved a sigh and took out _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ with one of his business cards and wrote a note directed to Nino on it then placed it between the first page of the book. “Can you give this to Nino if he comes here?”

Sho’s eyes widened as he saw the title of the worn out book but eventually took it from Jun. “I can but I don’t know if he will come here again,” he said.

“That’s enough for me,” he smiled and bowed before leaving the café.

***

He went straight to the apartment of 13-sensei and started ringing the doorbell. There was no answer again. However this time he refused to leave and sat down next to the door. “Sensei…” he sighed. He had no idea what to say to 13-sensei even after eroding his door for three weeks. Also, he had no other choice but believe that 13-sensei was behind the door and listening to him. Trying to be positive, he just decided to write what had been on his mind for a long time. “Why did you stop writing books like _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_?”

He waited for a whole five minutes until a paper was passed under the door. The white paper came with a note on it: **Why do you think I did?**

Jun read the note with eyes wide-open. He blinked a few times and then decided to answer 13-sensei. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But I don’t think you did it for fame or money.”

Another note. **How can you be that sure of it?**

Jun read the note with a smile on his face. “Because if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been able to write the book that changed my life.” Jun inhaled deeply and started to say the lines which he had read over and over. _“Dear you,”_ he closed his eyes and leaned his back against the wall next to the door. _“Now, while you are reading this, I managed to make my last dream come true. The me left alone in a world which I don’t even like has managed to make my own dreams come true. The only thing which saddens me is that I can’t say any of this to you. It’s not because you are dead. However, I will pretend that you are dead. Because the you which I knew, which I loved has been dead since the day you left me alone in this grey world._

_I have always thought that a world without you will be dark and suffocating. However, it looks like I was simply wrong about it. This Golden Realm still shines even after you left._

_The day we bid farewell, I cried as if I would not see the light again. I cried as your warmth left my skin and become a simple memory which is bound to be forgotten. I cried to the point that my eyes hurt more than my heart and eventually, I fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep or maybe I thought so. The next day without you came as if nothing had happened, as if you would kiss me good morning but you didn’t. It felt strange, it felt horrible but I managed to get up that day. I can’t forget how I loved you right then, but I will forget how you loved me. The things you left to me will eventually dry up but at least let me remember you._

_I still talk to you. Because we broke up as friends, because we could never leave each other’s lives as if we had never met. And I know you feel the same. Because you were the first one who wished a happy birthday to me after months of not talking. I hate your leavings as much as I hate your coming backs, I hate your smile as much as I hate your tears; and I hate your good wishes as much as I hate your love words. However, my stupid heart was so happy. My stupid and very weak heart was so happy to hear from you._

_I still know what you do, where you live. And I know you live the life which we dreamed of together._

_As you read this, I managed to make my last dream come true. Those dreams we built together, and those dreams which we couldn’t make come true made me who I am today. I hate the me right now, I hate the me who can’t move forward and the me who doesn’t know how to survive in this world without you. However, I will create a new me as The Watchmaker witnesses the flowing time. I will create a new me as The Watchmaker continues to observe this Golden Realm from his seat. And if The Watchmaker can forgive our selfish hearts, we will meet somewhere and you will ask me who I am. It will make me happy as much as it will hurt and I will see that I did it. That I managed to live without you. And even if you don’t know, The Watchmaker will know my journey._

_Farewell, dear you. Until time lets us meet again.”_ Jun took a deep breath as he finished reciting the letter which was actually found by The Watchmaker. This letter was the first story of _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm._ It was one of the worn out, old, lost letters which were delivered to The Watchmaker when they hadn't reached their destination. Because he was the Watcher of anything and everything.

The Watchmaker was the observer of every story in the book, he connected every story which seemed unconnected. The slight connection between every story was different. Jun had read that book so many times that he knew every word of it. “I read it many times, sensei. I can say every word without looking at the book,” Jun said finally. “If you were just aiming for fame and money, you wouldn’t be writing this.”

**I have thrown away my words long ago. Are you saying that you could find those words for me? Do you have enough courage to find those long lost words?**

Jun’s eyes widened as he read the last note which was thrown under the door. He wanted to see the old shine of 13-sensei, was there any reason to hesitate now? Jun smiled. “Of course, sensei. I am your editor, after all, I am the only one who could fight with you.”

 

He didn’t get any other notes from 13-sensei despite still sitting outside; however, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling very successful. _13-sensei has talked to me!_ was the only thought that kept his mind busy even after waiting for two hours, gaining nothing. Or at least, he thought so.

Jun’s phone started ringing. To his surprise, it was Sasaki-san. He answered the phone with a frown. “Yes, Sasaki-san?”

_“Return to the company right now,”_ The Iron Lady said shortly.

“I am at 13-sensei’s house now, Sasaki-san-” Jun started but he was cut immediately by the Iron Lady.

_“So what? You have been going there for three weeks now, Matsumoto-kun. We took you off from being editor-in-charge, we will try to send Kuranosuke-san one more time,”_ she said.

“But-!” Jun tried to object but the line was already cut. Jun clenched his teeth. He did so much to finally get to talk to 13-sensei! And now, he was simply taken off being editor-in-charge… He felt frustrated more than he thought he would. _There's no way I will accept it this easily,_ he thought determinedly. _Sensei, I will definitely come back!_

***

“Sasaki-san! What does this mean?!” Jun asked furiously as soon as he stormed inside the editors department, not even caring about his surroundings.

“It's as you heard, Matsumoto. Management decided to take another action,” Sasaki-san said calmly.

Jun blinked with surprise. “What do you mean by that?”

“They decided to cut his contact,” Sasaki-san said sternly. “They think we had enough of his whims.” If Jun had been a bit calmer, he could have clearly seen that Sasaki-san was also annoyed with it. However there was nothing they could do. And knowing that made Jun more than angry. He slammed his hands on Sasaki-san’s desk.

“He hasn't been doing that because of his whims! Sasaki-san you have to listen to me! He is-” he tried to explain desperately. However, the Iron Lady shut him up.

“That's enough, Matsumoto! You are taken off from being editor-in-charge, now, return to your desk!”

Suddenly, Aiba came out of nowhere, holding his arm and dragging to him out of the room. He had probably been there for the whole time but Jun had been way too angry to notice him. He let Aiba drag him out. “You alright?” Aiba asked him finally.

“Do I look alright?” Jun grumbled.

“Well, you look better than the last time I saw you,” Aiba replied calmly. “I heard they were thinking about firing you too, Sasaki-san was the one who stopped them. ”

Jun exhaled loudly. “I managed to speak to him, Aiba-kun. I promised to fight with him and now…”

“Don't worry about it, I am sure Sasaki-san will persuade upper highs and I am sure you will be able to help 13-sensei,” Aiba reassured him with a warm smile. However the only smile he wanted, no, needed to see belonged to someone else. Jun couldn't help thinking about Nino as he heaved a sigh.

***

Jun had absolutely no idea what he was doing as he sat at his desk at the company. It had already been a week since he lost his place as 13-sensei’s editor and it had been three weeks since he last saw Nino. It felt like his life was going steeply downward with a horrible speed that he couldn't even stop. The company apparently had given up on him because they hadn’t given him any other jobs. And things about 13-sensei were driving him crazy. He heard that 13-sensei had refused and fired Kuranosuke-san. Jun was sure that 13-sensei’s job was in danger. He couldn’t even manage to tell that to 13-sensei… He smiled bitterly. He opened the first drawer of his desk to find his resignation letter which he had prepared a week ago, just in case. If they decided to throw out 13-sensei, Jun was determined to leave the company as well.

As for Nino… That specific part of his life was hurting him quite a lot. He didn’t even know how he became so dependent on the existence of petite waiter… The main thing that upset him was the fact that he only understood it only after losing it. He hadn’t noticed but the desire to see Nino was probably stronger than the desire to reach 13-sensei which was actually not that surprising. Jun had always thought about 13-sensei professionally. Yes, he was a fan of him but that fan thing was contained inside admiration and gratefulness. Meanwhile, Nino had become something irreplaceable for him, little by little. Certainly, Nino wasn’t the type to make people turn to look at him twice but if you let that petite guy, he would penetrate one’s soul like no one else could. Jun checked his phone just to find nothing from Nino. He sighed. Luck wasn’t at his side at all.

“Matsumoto-kun, can you come to the meeting room for a moment?” he heard Sasaki-san. He inhaled deeply, and feeling quite determined he took out his resignation letter and hurried after Sasaki-san.

“I will be blunt, we were serious about firing 13-sensei but he finally responded,” Sasaki-san explained not even waiting for Jun to say anything. “He is working on his new book finally, I believe you have something to do with his new resolution.” She said calmly, eyeing Jun.

Jun chose to stay silent. “Well either way, it was good.” Sasaki-san continued. “We assigned Ohno-san as his new editor, just for your information.”

“Why?” Jun asked a bit louder than he actually intended. “Shouldn’t it be me who you assign as his editor? I worked for it!”

“Yes, you did and we are thankful for that but for now you should wait,” Sasaki-san said. She had an understanding light in her eyes. “I will try my best to assign you as his editor but for now, you two are standing out like a sore thumb. Just let me and Ohno-san handle this and it will be forgotten eventually. And you should throw away that resignation letter,” she said pointing at the letter he was holding. “We will need you to deal with 13-sensei a lot afterwards,” she said before standing up and making her way out of the meeting room. Jun could do nothing but stare after her defeatedly.

***

Jun found himself in the café where he had met Nino that night. He felt beyond horrible; the feeling of having failed made everything harder than it already was.

“Oh, Jun-kun…” he heard a familiar voice when he went inside. He turned his head to the voice just to see his superior Ohno Satoshi buying some take away coffee. “How are you?” Ohno asked smiling calmly. He was a good person who was able to do his job well. He was also calm as hell which Jun admired sometimes.

“I am fine, Ohno-senpai,” Jun returned respectfully.

Ohno sighed a little. “I have been telling you to drop all those formalities for a while now…”

Jun laughed a little despite the feeling of emptiness. “Thanks, Ohno-san.”

“Well, better than before I guess…” he said calmly. “By the way, 13-sensei sent his greetings to you. Oh and he also asked me to deliver this to you,” he said while he shuffled inside his pocket, taking out a small wrinkled paper and handing it to Jun.

Jun took the paper, recognizing 13-sensei’s handwriting immediately.

**The Watchmaker said that time is what we can’t control. I will wait for you to come back. And make sure to return to me because you are responsible for this new book.**

Jun smiled a bit. “Thank you Ohno-san,” he said calmly as he stuffed the paper into his own pocket.

“Here is your order, Ohno-san,” Sakurai Sho came just in time to stop them from more talking.

“Thank you,” Ohno said as he took his orders from Sakurai and turned to Jun. “I need to go now but I will do my best until you take your place back,” he smiled peacefully before he left. Jun looked after him for a while not saying anything. _I will definitely take my place back, sensei, Ohno-san!_ he thought determinedly. Then he turned to Sakurai but before he could say anything Sho told him what he wanted to know. “First of all, he is not here and secondly yes, he came once and I gave him the book.”

“Oh…” Jun said. “Thank you… Um, and uh, sorry for bothering you,” he said with an embarrassed look on his face. “I guess… I should leave… Yes, I should,” he mumbled. “Thank you again for handing it to Nino,” Jun said before turning around and leaving the shop hurriedly.

_So he simply doesn’t want to see me,_ Jun thought miserably. Feeling rejected even before he could confess or do anything… But he wanted to meet Nino so badly right now to the point that his eyes were searching for him everywhere. _Nino…_ he sighed internally. But he didn’t have anything he could do against it…

That night Jun returned to his home feeling lonely and miserable.

***

It was three months later that Jun found a package on his desk, sender unknown. He put his bag on his chair and immediately opened the package which was packed firmly. He ripped the packaging off quickly just to find _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ and another book inside. The worn out gold and black cover was way too familiar to him and he immediately knew that it was his own copy which he had left in the café. The old copy which was supposed to be with Nino was in front of him… He immediately opened the book and looked for a message from Nino but to his disappointment, nothing was there. Then finally, the other book which had a silver and blue cover attracted his attention.

“The Word Hunter of Lost World,” he read the title of the book out loud. It was 13’s new book. Jun’s eyes widened as he hurriedly opened the book.

_To my dear Word Hunter who promised me to hunt down my long lost words in the depths of my own darkness._

Jun blinked with surprise. _Is he talking about me?_

 

Jun couldn’t be more eager for his day to be over. After work, he found himself in the café where he had met Nino, with the two books of 13. He couldn’t go home… Somehow being in that café felt more reassuring for reading _The Word Hunter of Lost World._

He opened the first page and started to read the new book. To his surprise, this new book was written in the first style of 13-sensei… It had the same calmness but thrilling and consuming atmosphere. Jun’s eyes couldn’t leave the lines as he read. He sometimes even forgot to breathe.

The story was taking place in a world which reminded Jun terribly of the Golden Realm. Though it was a dystopian version of the Golden Realm where there was no Watchmaker and people couldn’t speak with their own words unless they bought them or traded them in. However, every word had its own meaning and its own weight as well as a specific value in that world which made some of them impossible to get unless you go into the depths of Dark Lands to hunt them. The story was occurring around The Hunter who was a specialist for hunting down special words for people who requested it, in exchange for the words which Hunter wanted.

He felt tears building in his eyes, like he finally met someone after a really long time. He was thinking that he really had missed this writing style of 13. When he finally finished the book, he couldn’t help himself but wonder why The Hunter collected specific words in order to go hunting.

He turned to the first word that The Hunter had collected. It was “dear”. Jun blinked in surprise. He took out his notebook and started to write down every word which was given to The Hunter in exchange of the words he hunted.

When he finished collecting the words he found a message directed to the reader: _Dear you, this is for you and only you. You don’t need a hunter like me. The words have been inside your heart. Let them speak with their own voices. Sincerely, The Hunter._

Jun smiled peacefully. This was the 13 that changed his life. This was the 13 that he had longed for so long. He made a note to himself to express these good feelings to 13 once he would be his editor again. When he turned the last page he saw a handwritten note from 13.

**Dear J, this is for you. Thank you for being my Word Hunter. I am sorry for lying to you.  
-Ninomiya Kazunari**

***

Jun rang 13’s door without even bothering to move his finger away from the bell. He rang and rang until it creaked open, revealing a messy-looking Nino.

Nino groaned. “Having you ring this door nonstop is really irritating, you know?”

Jun simply stood there not really affected by finally seeing Nino in front of him. “Having you fool me this whole time is more irritating, you know?” he said coldly.

Nino was taken aback by Jun's words. He lowered his head and mumbled weakly. “I am sorry.”

“You should be,” Jun said sternly. “Did you have fun watching me struggle? Did you have fun when I asked you for your help or some advice?” Jun’s voice was colder than Nino had actually expected. He couldn't say anything in return. “Say something,” Jun said coldly. When nothing could be heard from Nino, he showed him _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ and said: “Did you have fun when I was desperately searching for you?”

Nino looked up into Jun's eyes, surprised to find a very warm look in them despite his cold voice. His eyes were looking for some explanation from Nino, which encouraged him to speak. “I didn't,” he said truthfully. “But I couldn't bring myself to reveal my identity as 13, no matter what… You were so kind and I was just…” he inhaled deeply. “I have wanted to be Ninomiya Kazunari, not 13 for a very long time. And I honestly wanted to stop writing. That's when you came to look for 13 and in a way you found me…” Stubborn tears built up in Nino's eyes, but he blinked them back. “I intended to not involve you but you were so stubborn and I ended up here, again…” he stopped and searched for more accurate words but he couldn't say anything as Jun hugged him strongly.

Jun could feel his surprise while he hugged him. He buried his face in Nino's messy hair, deeply breathing in his scent and he stroked his back up and down soothingly. Nino asked him with a weak voice: “Aren't you mad at me?” His voice was too weak, Jun chuckled.

“I am, oh, believe me I am furious about the fact that you lied to me like this,” he pushed Nino back a little, just to be able to see his face. “But I love you way too much to walk away for something like this,” he said calmly and truthfully.

Nino blinked a few times and Jun waited for his words to sink in. Suddenly the tears that Nino had blinked back returned stronger than before. His lips started to tremble. “So you won't leave?” he asked with a weak voice.

Jun smiled and wiped his tears away with his thumb. “No,” he said firmly. “But I am still mad at you for making me live through hell these last months.”

Nino hugged him tightly. “I am sorry,” he said for the nth time.

Jun laughed. “Who are you and what have you done to cheeky Nino?” he said while trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere around them.

“You better appreciate this Nino while you have time, before the cheeky one comes back,” Nino grumbled not looking up from where he had buried his face.

Jun chuckled again. “At least let me inside now, I have been ringing the bell way too long for you.”

Nino walked backwards not letting Jun break their hug. And Jun wasn't complaining about it either. Nino was perfect for hugging, he laughed internally. Nino led him into the living room which could be described as nothing but a mess. Compared to his house, Nino was literally living in chaos. “Sorry,” Nino mumbled shyly. “I don't usually have visitors except Sho-chan.”

“Sho-chan?” Jun asked.

“The owner of the café, I sometimes help him and he gives me free coffee,” Nino explained.

“So you weren't really working there after all,” Jun heaved a sigh.

“I am sorry,” Nino apologized again.

“We should do something to make up for all those lies,” he said looking straightly at Nino.

“Like what?” Nino inquired.

“Like this,” Jun said before he sealed their lips with a heated kiss.

Both of them were out of breath when they separated. “You have an interesting way of making things up,” Nino said panting.

“And I want to know something before we move this to the bedroom,” Jun said, ignoring Nino's words.

Nino stiffened as he heard Jun.

“First of all, this Sho-chan of yours? What about him?” he asked seriously.

Nino blinked with surprise. “What do you mean? He is just a friend,” he said.

Jun nodded calmly. “Alright, I will trust that it's not a lie,” he said firmly eyeing Nino.

“It's not, it's not!” Nino said hurriedly. Then he laughed a little. “Are you perhaps jealous?”

Jun narrowed his eyes but choose to ignore him. “How have you been leaving your house while not being seen by the security guy?”

Nino shrugged. “Emergency stairs. They are on the opposite side so the security guy wouldn't possibly know.”

Jun signed exhaustedly. “I can't believe how you fooled me,” he groaned. Then he took a deep breath to ask his last question. “And finally, what does 13 mean?”

Nino smirked. “It's a secret,” he said before pulling Jun closer and trapping him inside a heated kiss.


	2. My Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nino's side story.  
> Nino started to write, only because he loved and enjoyed writing. However, 13's life was nothing but a nightmare so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for reveetoile, in Jun Exhange 2018. I am sorry, I couldn't write this part for Jun Exchange but hope you eventually like this part too <3

The digital clock was showing 03.58 in the morning when Nino opened his eyes, unable to sleep anymore. A soft smile adorned his face while he turned to his side to look at the beautiful and very peaceful sleeping face next to him. With a sudden urge, he held out his hand to take away the tufts of hair from Jun’s face gently. He didn’t really have thought that everything will turn out like this, however, he was very happy with the current situation. 

He knew what he did was simply unforgivable and he was prepared to be rejected by Jun. He made him suffer too much and Nino knew there was no way to justify his actions. He was well aware of that. He caressed Jun’s cheek fondly, almost overwhelmed by the emotions. 

Nino didn’t know he could fell in love again. He didn’t think he could feel his heart beating so fast because of someone again… He even surprised himself, deciding to take his pen to his hand again. Because he knew that he had lost everything; his passion for writing, his desire to keep living, his courage to let himself fall for someone again.

In the end, the man named as Ninomiya Kazunari was nothing but a coward. All he could do was running away from everything. He wasn’t stupid, he was aware of his own actions but that didn’t help him to figure out a way to fight. 

He stood up from his bed silently and very carefully in order not to wake Jun up. He padded up to his messy living room and shuffled around to open a space for himself to sit. There was a lot of papers scattered everywhere, most of them were drafts of his old stories because he actually kept the drafts of his last novel The Word Hunter of Lost World safely and very neatly in his own writing desk. Despite using a computer to write and storing his writings in an online drive which is only known by himself, he somehow still stick to the idea of creating his drafts into actual papers. Somehow he knew that sounded old fashioned but he liked the feeling of slightly rough feeling of paper under his hand. Certainly it was way slower than writing on the computer but he knew that he had created the best part of every story while writing it to a paper. 

Thinking about it, he remembered the reason why he started writing very well. He was very young, fourteen years old to be more specific, when he first started writing. He was hurt, he felt frustrated and somehow tired despite his young age. He had a deep desire to write down all of his own feelings, slightly trusting that a paper can’t reveal any of one’s secret. He honestly, didn’t really think much about it though. At first he had a pen and some ripped pages from his notebook but soon he bought a notebook for the purpose of writing. That one simple notebook turned into a bunch of notebooks full of stories before he could even realize. And before he could register, he felt like he actually enjoyed writing. So he decided to continue. He simply wanted to continue doing what he loved. Nothing more or nothing less. Strangely, the feeling of loneliness he had always felt was eased slightly and he felt very proud of himself when his literature teacher, who realized that Nino was always writing something, told him that he was writing very good and encouraged him to continue. 

Of course, he continued his daily life as Ninomiya Kazunari. He didn’t have enough courage to voice everything in his mind and truly hiding behind the action of writing felt good and safe. 

Nino loved writing slightly fantastic stories which had a certain relaxing atmosphere. He also loved creating worlds which no one knew about. Every time it was his biggest joy to discover those worlds himself. He would write pages and pages as if he was being seized by something, not even thinking about anything else. 

From some point, he actually wanted to be better at it. Yes, he was only writing them because he liked writing them but also he wanted them to shine even if no one but his literature teacher would read them. He spent some of his time in the library, reading lots of different books and trying to learn more about literature. He intended to do his best and he was prepared to do anything for it. He worked over and over again on those stories before he could actually show them to someone. 

The first person which he showed his stories was his first love. He was in the second year of high school when they met. The other one was the first year and he was in technology club with Nino and they shared same hobbies, well mostly gaming because honestly Nino had become way too serious about writing so he really didn’t want to call writing as a hobby. The two became friends almost immediately, then turned into lovers in the blink of an eye. And for Nino the other, owned his heart completely. He loved him with every part of his soul, there was no denying it. He loved the other to the point of revealing his most vulnerable part and showed him his stories; thinking that they would always be together. What a wishful thinking, Nino knew it well now. 

The other, of course, didn’t have any interest to read them at all. However, Nino still couldn’t bring himself to get angry to him and simply let it go. He was okay with throwing himself aside. That was how much Nino loved the other. That was how much he let him hurt Nino. 

When the other finally said that their relationship wasn’t going well as they wanted, he broke up with Nino. Before leaving, he told Nino that he only loved him because he was everything that Nino can’t obtain. That was true. He was everything that Nino can’t obtain no matter what he did but that wasn’t the reason why he loved the other. However, Nino chose to stay silent, again. 

Instead, this time he wanted to prove himself that he could totally live without him. He could totally make his dreams come true even if he wasn’t with him anymore. That was when he started to write _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm,_ which started with _“Dear you”._ It was a message to his first love after all, he didn’t really have a reason to deny it. When he finished it, he sent it to a certain publishing company’s “Beginner Writers” contest. He really wasn’t expecting it to win the first place at all. 

And that was how 13’s life has started. 

***

It turned out 13’s life was a very lonely, frustrating and tiring life. Of course, until he met Jun. 

He still remembered that _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ didn’t sell well. His second novel was also in the same genre. He wasn’t selling well, and to be honest, he wasn’t really expecting to sell well. However, he desired to reach more people. He wanted a lot of people to read his stories. That was when his editor proposed him to “follow the trend”. It wouldn’t do any harm, since he didn’t have anything to lose after all. So he gave it a try. Surprisingly, it went well. That strange feeling of success filled his heart but it soon made him greedy. He wanted to reach more, he wanted to write for them more, because they loved it. Because his talent finally approved by the public! He did his best with his word choices, he made the story as likeable as possible and he was desperate to keep going. His editor was urging him to follow the trend, making him write more and more. 

He slowly started to feel drained. And he slowly started to forget why he was writing in the first place… _What an irony,_ he thought. He wanted to make people happy, he wanted to be happy but now he was burying his own happiness into the stories which he couldn’t enjoy anymore. All left to him when he finished a new book was now the thought of “it’s finally over”. The thought of indifference towards his own book terrified him. It shouldn’t have been like this, but then again, what was he expecting? Nothing. In the end, he only started to write because he wanted to protect himself; he chose to publish those stories because he wanted to prove himself that he could do it alone; he agreed to change his style because he wanted to reach a lot of people; however in the end, he was in his small but safe house, alone and tired. He didn’t know what he should write anymore, he didn’t even know if he should continue to write anymore. Realizing that he had been driven by the shine of fame, he was scared to continue anymore. He didn’t want fame anymore. He didn’t want money anymore. What changed him like this? Why did he started trying to please readers and the company like this? To the point of losing his own purpose of writing? Did it really worth? Were there even a meaning for him to continue after all of these?

That’s why when Kuranosuke-san came with suggestions for his new book, he threw him out of his house, locked his door and told him that he is fired. 

A week turned a month when Nino finally decided to go out since his only friend; the owner of the café across the street was very worried about him. He told Sakurai Sho about his desire to stop writing and the other had shown his understanding to him, also suggesting him to work as a waiter in his café. Nino agreed to him since he didn’t have a better idea about what to do. 

It was his second week as the waiter in Sho’s café when Matsumoto Jun walked in. He ordered a single coffee and left his name for it and went to sit down at the farthest table which was located next to the wide windows. He was radiating around himself and Nino caught himself staring at him while he waited for his coffee to get ready. He was tall, had a handsome face and broad shoulders, his navy suit looked slightly expensive but very functional. He was probably working at one of those well-known companies, probably loved by his superiors and his juniors. Nino smiled sadly when he realized that he started to create a background story for him. He should stop that habit of his, if he honestly wanted to stop writing, he reminded himself. 

When Nino turned to look at him again, Matsumoto-handsome-Jun started to shuffle his leather briefcase and took out a book which caused Nino to feel thunderstruck. Nino would recognize that gold and black designed cover wherever he would see. He was holding _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ with utmost care and Nino could see that the book was worn out because of reading many times. A sad smile adorned Nino’s face and he couldn’t stop himself to approach Matsumoto. 

“You have such an old book with you,” he said trying to sound as carefree as possible. It wasn’t easy for him to see that book after all those time. Yes, he had it on his bookshelf but he didn’t have the courage to face with it after everything. 

Matsumoto seemed surprised but smiled as if he had found an ally. “Oh, do you know this book?” he asked calmly.

“Yes,” Nino replied with a very practiced smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting to see it here though. It wasn’t a popular book, you know.”

Matsumoto blinked with surprise. “Such a shame, isn’t it?” He laid the book gently down on the table. “It's such an absorbing story, and I personally think this is the masterpiece of 13-sensei.”

“Most people find it rather boring,” Nino said feeling really bitter about it.

Matsumoto frowned. “That’s why it’s such a shame,” Jun said sternly.

Nino laughed heartily, after a very long time. The man was truly interesting. “You are very interesting, Matsumoto-san.” 

Matsumoto returned his smile and leaned on slightly to read his name tag. “Same goes for you too, Ninomiya-san.” 

“Call me if you need anything,” said Nino finally and urged himself to walk behind the counter. His heart was beating faster than he actually remembered that it could. Matsumoto Jun, honestly an interesting person, he thought finally. 

*** 

Soon, Nino learned who the real Matsumoto Jun is. 

Surprisingly, the other seemed to trust Nino immediately and told him who he was, what he was doing there and of course about his job. Nino couldn’t help but feel tense over, hearing Jun was the new editor that was sent by his publishing company to find him and of course, bring him back. He honestly didn’t want that to happen so he thought about leaving. However, he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Too afraid to admit that he actually enjoyed Matsumoto Jun’s accompany. 

He came looking for 13 every day. Including Sundays too. He was cheerful, full of hope towards the future, stubborn, also had the same taste over the books. He was two months younger than Nino, however, he emitted a certain calmness and dependable aura. _If only we met earlier,_ Nino thought whenever Jun left his seat to go and ring 13’s door. He hated himself for fooling him. He hated himself for not being able to let him go. He hated Nino who can’t face with Jun. He hated 13 who forbid him from facing Jun. 

In this meetings, Nino eventually had to tell Jun about himself too. Before he could register, he started to recite the background story that he created unconsciously. He didn’t even know when he started to think about a background story for himself but apparently, his mind was working on it for a while already. Nino wanted to laugh at himself. 

***

One of those days when Jun returned from his daily “ringing-the-13’s-door” task, he leaned to the small table, seeming very exhausted so Nino went to sit next to him and hear about his worries. 

“So J, still no improvement?” Nino asked when he finally made his way to his table tiredly. He had given that nickname to Jun pretty quickly. It felt really natural and suited him very well, to his surprise. 

Jun heaved a sigh which sounded very hopeless. “Nope, he is not answering the door. I am not even sure if he still lives there...” he said.

Nino laughed. “You are unexpectedly stubborn, you know that?” 

Jun shrugged. “Maybe, but I need to meet 13-sensei no matter what,” Jun said determinedly, surprising Nino. “What should I do, Nino?” He asked with hopeful eyes focused on Nino’s face, Nino honestly didn’t know what to do… He was the main reason why Jun was suffering like this and if he really wanted to help him, he should return to be 13 and save him from every trouble. But he was still unsure. About himself, about Jun and about returning. 

“Hmmm…” Nino said most likely to the purpose of filling the gap. He had a question that he wanted to ask him for a very long time; “Do you like this 13-sensei’s works?” He asked finally completely ignoring Jun’s ask for advice. “I mean, honestly.” He insisted. He needed to hear the most honest answer of Jun.

He watched Jun think about the question seriously for a moment. “I do,” he said after a while. “But I liked his early works better,” he added.

Nino raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?” His heart was beating like crazy. 

“Certainly,” Jun started to explain. “He is one of the most bestselling authors and his work is always interesting. But… how can I explain it… his works are still interesting but they lost their first shine.” He sighed again. “I have a weird feeling this is why 13-sensei refuses to meet the editors.” Then he smiled suddenly as he looked at Nino. Nino loved the shine in Jun’s eyes. It was radiating his darkest days and his soul like nothing could ever do. “Did I ever tell you that 13-sensei’s first book was the reason why I wanted to become an editor?” Nino’s eyes widened in surprise. His throat dried and for a moment he couldn’t take a breath as Jun shuffled his bag and took out _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm,_ laying it on the table. “I somehow wanted to be a part of the world which 13-sensei created, because creating a book is the hardest thing that I have ever witnessed,” he looked very nostalgic as he talked about his passion while looking at the worn out book when Nino could only close his eyes in order to keep himself from spilling everything. 

When he had opened his eyes again to look at Jun he strangely felt like he didn’t have to feel sad anymore. “You are good at your job, you know that?” He said with a gentle smile on his face. _If only we could meet before everything,_ Nino thought not daring to voice it. 

Jun laughed. “Where does that come from?”

Nino laughed. “Never mind,” he waved a hand in his direction as he went back to the counter. “Oh, by the way, I am gonna take a dayoff,” Nino said suddenly deciding what to do. 

Jun frowned. “Something happened?” Nino could hear the slight worry in his voice.

“Why? You worried about me, J?” Nino smirked playfully as he couldn’t himself to tease him. Jun tried to protest but Nino cut him off. “Just need some time to finish my other papers for the college,” Nino explained. “You know I only work here part-time.” And he disappeared behind the counter before Jun could say anything.

“Be careful! See you later, Nino!” That was the last time, Nino saw Jun. He finally decided to return his place to do what he can really do. To write again. 

***

Nino looked at the paper in front of him blankly. He did decide to write again but… write what? Was there anything left to him? His pen stained the white paper as he stayed without moving it. He was scared. He realized his hands were slightly trembling. For him, being there, in front of that desk turned out something really scary. Nino wanted to laugh. What had happened to cheeky Nino who threw snarky comments everywhere? Where did his self-confidence go? But he was well aware that it was always like this. Every single time he started to write something, especially after he started to follow “the trend” he always felt like nothing was enough to reassure him. He was just… too blind to see it. He realized that now, how pitiful. 

The sound of his doorbell cut his train of thoughts. He knew who was ringing and he wanted to open the door more than anything. However, if he opened that door now, he knew he would lose everything. Still, that didn’t stop him from padding up to the door. He sat on the step and waited for Jun to leave. But he didn’t. Again, he managed to surprise Nino, as if he existed for that purpose. Nino heard Jun shuffling around and sitting down with a tired groan. Before he could stop himself, he stood up and sit down leaning against his door. Somehow, wanting to be closer to Jun. 

After a few minutes, Nino heard Jun speak. It was louder enough for Nino to hear it. “Sensei… Why did you stop writing books like _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm?_ ” Nino smiled bitterly. He thought he wasn’t aiming for anything but in the end, he left that in order to gain more readers. Wasn’t that aiming for fame? Nino wanted to punch himself. He stood up silently, and took one of his notebooks and went back to the door. For a whole minute, Nino could only look blankly to his notebook. Then he slowly scribbled down a question before ripping the paper from the notebook: **Why do you think I did?** And passed it under the door not giving himself a time to stop. 

“I don’t know,” Nino heard Jun replying after a few seconds. “But I don’t think you did it for fame or money.” He said truthfully. 

Nino wanted to shot himself down as guilt attacked him again. How could he do this to Jun? How could he betray him when he trusted Nino like this?! He was the worst. Frustrated, he scribbled down another question and passed it under the door again: **How can you be that sure of it?** He wanted to write down the whole situation. He wanted to shout him that he didn’t deserve his company but he couldn’t when Jun answered his question truthfully once again. 

“Because if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been able to write the book that changed my life.” Nino knew what he was talking about and he started to scribble something when he heard Jun starting to talk again. _“Dear you,”_ Nino froze. He really wasn’t expecting to hear those words there and then. He gulped down as Jun continued. Why does it have to be now? Why does he have to read those lines when Nino was already suffering from it. _“Now, while you are reading this, I managed to make my last dream come true. The me left alone in a world which I don’t even like has managed to make my own dreams come true. The only thing which saddens me is that I can’t say any of this to you. It’s not because you are dead. However, I will pretend that you are dead. Because the you which I knew, which I loved has been dead since the day you left me alone in this grey world._

_I have always thought that a world without you will be dark and suffocating. However, it looks like I was simply wrong about it. This Golden Realm still shines even after you left._

_The day we bid farewell, I cried as if I would not see the light again. I cried as your warmth left my skin and become a simple memory which is bound to be forgotten. I cried to the point that my eyes hurt more than my heart and eventually, I fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep or maybe I thought so. The next day without you came as if nothing had happened, as if you would kiss me good morning but you didn’t. It felt strange, it felt horrible but I managed to get up that day. I can’t forget how I loved you right then, but I will forget how you loved me. The things you left to me will eventually dry up but at least let me remember you._

_I still talk to you. Because we broke up as friends, because we could never leave each other’s lives as if we had never met. And I know you feel the same. Because you were the first one who wished a happy birthday to me after months of not talking. I hate your leavings as much as I hate your coming backs, I hate your smile as much as I hate your tears; and I hate your good wishes as much as I hate your love words. However, my stupid heart was so happy. My stupid and very weak heart was so happy to hear from you._

_I still know what you do, where you live. And I know you live the life which we dreamed of together._

_As you read this, I managed to make my last dream come true. Those dreams we built together, and those dreams which we couldn’t make come true made me who I am today. I hate the me right now, I hate the me who can’t move forward and the me who doesn’t know how to survive in this world without you. However, I will create a new me as The Watchmaker witnesses the flowing time. I will create a new me as The Watchmaker continues to observe this Golden Realm from his seat. And if The Watchmaker can forgive our selfish hearts, we will meet somewhere and you will ask me who I am. It will make me happy as much as it will hurt and I will see that I did it. That I managed to live without you. And even if you don’t know, The Watchmaker will know my journey._

_Farewell, dear you. Until time lets us meet again.”_ Jun took a deep breath as he finished reading the letter. Nino already had placed his head on his knees, his notebook thrown aside. He was already in a whirlpool of emotions and then this… “I read it many times, sensei. I can say every word without looking at the book,” Jun said finally. “If you were just aiming for fame and money, you wouldn’t be writing this.”

Oh how much he had missed writing like that… _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ made him remember how much he actually loved writing. Could he really give up on his hope? Could he really stop writing? Maybe. But he was torturing himself all the way. 

Again, he reached out for his notebook and scribbled down his last question: **I have thrown away my words long ago. Are you saying that you could find those words for me? Do you have enough courage to find those long lost words?**

“Of course, sensei. I am your editor, after all, I am the only one who could fight with you.” Jun answered almost immediately, without hesitation. A smile finally appeared on Nino’s face and he stood up, making his way to his writing desk. 

This time, his pen didn’t stop moving on the white paper. 

***

It was nearing midnight when Nino heard his doorbell again. He was ready to ignore it when he heard his best friends voice. 

“Nino! It’s me, can you open the door?” 

Nino stood up from his place slightly annoyed because of being interrupted, he went to open his door. “Why are you at my door on this late hour?! Don’t you have a better place to go? Really, you should find a girlfriend for yourself,” he said as soon as he opened the door. However, his friend flashed a smile when he saw him. To Nino’s surprise, he pulled him into a tight hug. “Wha-!? Sho-chan?!” Nino tried to escape from his hug but Sho was, of course, stronger than him. 

“I am so glad to see _this_ Nino again!” he said, Nino could feel how relieved and happy he actually sounded. Nino blushed a little and pushed Sho. 

“Stop it, I have been here all the time,” he protested his words. Sho only smiled knowingly. “I hate this smart-ass smile of yours,” Nino grumbled. 

“No, you don’t. And we both know it,” Sho said with a smirk on his face. “And for your information, I do have a girlfriend, actually she is waiting for me now.” 

“And then, may I ask, why are you here, hugging your best friend instead of being with your girlfriend?” Nino shot back. 

“I came to deliver you this,” He shuffled his back and soon took out the book which Jun wanted him to deliver. “A certain someone was really worried about you this morning and asked me to give this to you if you ever drop by. However, I am thinking that you will be busy for a while so I came to give it to you personally,” he explained knowingly. 

Nino took the book from Sho’s hands, chuckling a little. “How did you know that I will be busy?” 

Sho pointed his face with his forefinger. “I know that sparkle in your eyes. Let’s be glad to Matsumoto Jun for awakening your will again.”

Nino laughed. “Thank you, Sho The Wise,” he said sarcastically. 

Sho laughed too. “Well then, I will leave you alone with your love letter, good luck!” He said before leaving and Nino waved behind him. 

He closed the door and went back to his writing desk looking at _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm,_ he was aware that this was Jun’s copy. Wait… If he gave his copy to Sho in the morning, then did he _really_ memorize it all? Nino’s mouth fell open before he burst out laughing. “Oh, J,” he said while looking at the book’s gold and black cover. “I will give you something that you will absolutely love,” he said determinedly and opened to look for some kind of notes in it. 

Of course, there it is, Nino thought proudly. 

**You may have problems in your life, Nino, but I am right here. Please, let me be your strength. I will wait for your call. Sincerely, Jun.**

He looked at the small card and very neat handwriting of Jun, reading the note a couple of times. Jun was such a romantic man, even the thought of it somehow made him blush. The note made him realize one thing for certain, he liked Jun. He liked him more than he actually thought and maybe that was why he was feeling that guilty because of lying to him. 

Nino had never need anyone in his life after he broke up with his first love. Because he was simply too scared to take that one step whenever someone showed his interest towards him. He never let anyone to his life. The difference about Jun was that; he forced his way to Nino’s life. 

Strangely, Nino didn’t feel bad about it.

***

When the company tried to reason with him once again, they sent Kuranosuke-san. He let the old man inside this time, telling him that he will continue writing but he doesn’t want to work with him anymore. His only request from the company was to give him another editor, preferably Jun. Kuranosuke-san nodded understandingly. 

“It was my fault after all,” the old man said before leaving. “I am sorry for making you write things that you don’t want, Ninomiya-kun,” he tried apologizing clumsily. Nino took a deep breath. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said calmly. “I chose to comply with it, it was my own responsibility.” 

Kuranosuke-san pressed his lips together and an uncomfortable silence fell between them. “Well then, good luck from now on, Ninomiya-kun,” he said finally before leaving his house. 

He never saw Kuranosuke-san again.

***

Nino thought things were going well until he found out his new editor wasn’t Jun. He wanted to protest but his new editor, a very calm and rather sleepy-looking man who named as Ohno Satoshi, explained that he didn’t have any other choices to bear with him because the company was furious about this subject. He immediately feared for Jun’s job. 

“Sasaki-san convinced everyone that he better stayed in the editing department. He is now editor-in-charge of a new author, a very promising one and we all believe Jun will help him find out his way in this world,” he explained Jun’s current situation. “He is doing his best,” Ohno said reassuringly. “So you should do your best too.” 

Nino’s lips turned into a thin line as he seriously thought about it. “Alright,” he said determinedly. “Can I entrust you a note? For Jun,” he asked hesitantly. 

The older man smiled. “Of course, sensei,” he said calmly. “I am here for you after all.” 

Nino could already feel that he and Ohno would be good friends even if they end up not working together again. 

***

Nino placed _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ to his writing desk so that he could see it whenever he looked to it. It was, of course, Jun’s copy. He somehow wanted to feel the young man close to him. This book provided a very special connection between him and Nino. 

He wrote and wrote, hardly ever stopping, as if he was seized by something. Ohno had to constantly remind him to eat or sleep but still, Nino didn’t really feel hungry or tired. The urge to write was strongest so far and Nino didn’t even want to resist to that urge. 

It had been a while since he was excited to see his own story’s ending. His fingers over the keyboard were moving at the fastest pace they could handle. It was like the words were coming to him, flowing from his mind and forming shapes with meeting the letters. It was like a door has been unlocked and the more Nino wrote, the more he felt independent. He figured out how he actually loved writing and after losing it once, now Nino didn’t want to lose it again. All thanks to Jun. All thanks to his stubbornness. 

Every time Nino thought about Jun, he couldn’t help but smile. He had missed him so much, but he decided that he won’t see him until he finished this book. For Jun, more than himself. It was a gift, only for Jun. He had written a letter for his first love in his first book, and he was writing a whole book for Jun. There was no doubt in it. Nino poured all emotions that he harbored for Jun into the book. Gratefulness, respect, guilt, sorrow, trust, and more than anything; love. 

He wrote The Hunter only imaging Jun. Even if he didn’t include everything into The Hunter, he made sure that The Hunter was a savior for everyone in the Lost World. The Hunter saved everyone who had troubles with voicing certain words, just like Jun did for Nino. 

Nino also loved to think about him whenever he wasn’t writing. He thought about his handsome face, his sweet smile, his broad shoulders, the way how his eyes shined when he talked about his passions, the way how he loved crab cream croquettes, his never-ending love towards mascot characters, how he blushed when Nino teased him. Every trivial thing about Jun made Nino happy. 

And soon Nino finished the book. 

***

When the first copy of _The Word Hunter of Lost World_ delivered to Nino by Ohno, he was thrilled. Finally! Quickly he wrote a final note on the last page of the book and packed it together with _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ and asked Ohno to give it to Jun. 

That day, finally relieved from everything and pretty much overwhelmed by the tiredness, Nino fell asleep on the sofa in his living room. It had been a while since he slept like that: with a smile on his face, and feeling very successful. 

***

Nino woke up with the furious doorbell. He groaned, tried to bury his head under the cushions but nothing worked as the doorbell continued to ring and ring. Feeling very irritated, he dragged himself towards the door, cursing the back pain which was caused by his own sofa. He opened the door, feeling very cranky. “Having you ring this door nonstop is really irritating, you know?” he said not even looking at to the face of his visitor. 

“Having you fool me this whole time is more irritating, you know?” A cold voice, suddenly reached his ears, waking him up completely. It was Jun. Honestly, he didn’t really think what to do after this. He really didn’t know how his book would affect their relationship with Jun. He was expecting a furious Jun if he had to be honest. He had the right to be angry towards Nino. He also had the right to refuse to see him again. Nino did something awful, after all; therefore, he was ready to face the consequences. At least that was what he thought. 

However, Jun was simply standing there not really affected by finally seeing Nino. He was probably too angry to be affected by it… Nino gulped down, lowered his head and mumbled weakly. “I am sorry.” He really did something horrible to Jun and his excuse wasn’t even made the situation better. 

“You should be,” Jun said coldly. “Did you have fun watching me struggle? Did you have fun when I asked you for your help or some advice?” Jun’s voice was colder than Nino had actually expected. He couldn't say anything in return as the words stabbed his heart one by one. Hearing his confronting was harder than Nino had actually expected. “Say something,” Jun said coldly, slightly raising his voice. However, Nino still couldn’t utter a word to him. Then suddenly, he showed him _The Watchmaker of Golden Realm_ and said: “Did you have fun when I was desperately searching for you?”

Nino looked up into Jun's eyes, surprised to find a very warm look in them despite his cold voice. His eyes were looking for some explanation from Nino, which encouraged him to speak. “I didn't,” he said truthfully. “But I couldn't bring myself to reveal my identity as 13, no matter what… You were so kind and I was just…” he inhaled deeply. “I have wanted to be Ninomiya Kazunari, not 13 for a very long time. And I honestly wanted to stop writing. That's when you came to look for 13 and in a way you found me…” Stubborn tears built up in Nino's eyes, but he blinked them back. He needed to speak now, he needed to tell him why he was hiding all the time. He needed to step forward and reveal his truest feeling to Jun, just like he did for Nino. It was the only way for Nino to finally let his own insecurities go. “I intended to not involve you but you were so stubborn and I ended up here, again…” he stopped and searched for more accurate words, why would words abandon him now?! When he needed to speak and tell him everything… He was simply loss of words! But before he could say anything, he felt Jun’s strong arms around himself. His eyes widened when the soft but refreshing scent of Jun’s cologne reached him. Soon Jun buried his face in Nino's messy hair, deeply breathing in his scent and he stroked his back up and down soothingly. Nino was frozen as he let Jun hug him. He was too surprised to register what was happening. A question popped into his mind: “Aren't you mad at me?” 

Jun chuckled as soon as he heard him. “I am,” Nino could hear the sound of Jun’s heartbeat mixed with his words, “Oh, believe me, I am furious about the fact that you lied to me like this,” he pushed Nino back a little, just to be able to see his face. “But I love you way too much to walk away for something like this,” he said calmly and truthfully. _Something like this?_ Nino wanted to ask but he was way too shocked by the fact that Jun referred how horrible Nino was in these past months as _something like this_. He had lied to him for this whole time, risked his job, dumped him, disappeared without saying anything. And everything was _‘something like this’_? How?! Nino blinked a few times and Jun waited for his words to sink in. Suddenly the tears that Nino had blinked back returned stronger than before, realizing that Jun chose to forgive him, despite being angry. His lips started to tremble. “So you won't leave?” he asked with a weak voice.

Jun smiled and wiped his tears away with his thumb. How gentle his touch was… Nino immediately craved for more. “No,” Jun said firmly. “But I am still mad at you for making me live through hell these last months.”

Nino hugged him tightly. “I am sorry,” he said for the nth time.

Jun laughed. “Who are you and what have you done to cheeky Nino?” he said while trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere around them.

“You better appreciate this Nino while you have time, before the cheeky one comes back,” Nino grumbled not looking up from where he had buried his face. What a pleasant feeling, he thought. 

Nino could feel the vibrations when he chuckled. “At least let me inside now, I have been ringing the bell way too long for you,” Jun said and Nino wanted nothing more than to let him inside. He walked backward not letting Jun break their hug. He had already nestled there and he honestly didn’t want to leave anytime soon. And Jun wasn't complaining about it either which was a fact that worked on Nino’s behalf.

Nino led him into the living room which could be described as nothing but a mess. He usually tidied his room but lately, he didn’t have time for it. Besides, no one but Nino, if you don’t count Ohno and Sho, come to his house so why bother? Though apparently, he _should_ have been bothered by it, after all. “Sorry,” Nino mumbled shyly when he saw the shocked expression of Jun. “I don't usually have visitors except for Sho-chan.”

“Sho-chan?” Jun asked.

“The owner of the café, I sometimes help him and he gives me free coffee,” Nino explained.

“So you weren't really working there after all,” Jun heaved a sigh.

“I am sorry,” Nino apologized again.

“We should do something to make up for all those lies,” he said looking straightly at Nino.

“Like what?” Nino inquired.

“Like this,” Jun said before he sealed their lips with a heated kiss.

Both of them were out of breath when they separated. Jun is very skilled in kissing, Nino noted himself, much to his delight. “You have an interesting way of making things up,” Nino said sarcastically while trying to catch his breath. 

“And I want to know something before we move this to the bedroom,” Jun said, ignoring Nino's words.

Nino stiffened as he heard Jun.

“First of all, this Sho-chan of yours? What about him?” he asked seriously.

Nino blinked with surprise. “What do you mean? He is just a friend,” he said. And Sho had a _girlfriend_ if that was a necessary information?

Jun nodded calmly. “Alright, I will trust that it's not a lie,” he said firmly eyeing Nino.

“It's not, it's not!” Nino said hurriedly, trying to ensure him. Then he laughed a little. “Are you perhaps jealous?” He didn’t want to voice that he actually liked the idea of jealous Jun. 

Jun narrowed his eyes but choose to ignore him. A cute pout was adorning his face and Nino had a hard time to refrain himself from kissing him again. “How have you been leaving your house while not being seen by the security guy?”

Nino shrugged. “Emergency stairs. They are on the opposite side so the security guy wouldn't possibly know.” 

Jun signed exhaustedly. “I can't believe how you fooled me,” he groaned. Then he took a deep breath to ask his last question. “And finally, what does 13 mean?”

Nino smirked. This wasn’t the first time someone asked the meaning of 13. He knew a lot of people were trying to decipher that name and he was really proud of himself for that pen name. He had spent his days and nights until he found it so there was no way he would give it up that quickly. But maybe, most probably definitely, Jun would be the one who will discover his name and the meaning behind 13. Just like he had discovered the lost words of Nino. So he thought, it wouldn’t do any harm to give him a hint: “It's a secret,” he said before pulling Jun closer and trapping him inside a heated kiss. This was only beginning of their story. Nino believed that as long as he had Jun in his life, he would be able to write more novels and create a lot of worlds. Hopefully, with Jun in it. 

-FIN-

**Author's Note:**

> Trivia:
> 
> x I used goroawase here for Nino’s pen name which is a word play in Japanese with using numbers to create words or even sentences. If you read 13 as 1 and 3 it becomes ひみつ (himitsu) which means “secret”. Also himitsu is one of Nino's solos. I kind of wanted to do something Nino can do.  
> x sensei is usually used to refer to authors or mangakas.  
> x senpai is used to refer people who are superior than one.  
> x 2LDK stands for apartments which have two bedrooms plus a living room, a dining room, and a kitchen.


End file.
